Emily's birth story

I wanted to be able to share with everyone a little more about how Emily came to be born a month early. Though things definitely did not go the way that we had hoped (full term, natural childbirth, vaginal delivery, etc.), we can now look back upon that day's events with utter thankfulness and joy that the Lord's hand was over every minute of that first day and every day since.

I think it all started with the night before. On Tuesday night, I noticed that my ankles and feet were no longer just 3rd trimester swollen; they were now on their way to being watermelons. I thought that was weird. I stayed up all night drinking water and keeping my legs elevated, hoping to drain the swelling. I weighed myself at home that morning, knowing that I'd be weighed at the midwife appointment that afternoon and dreading the lecture. I was shocked to see that I'd gained 3 pounds over 3 days. What was wrong with me?? I didn't suspect that I was pre-eclampsic. I just thought I must have messed up along the way somewhere. That morning at work I had a little headache and felt like a train wreck from lack of sleep the night before, but I just kept pushing through the work and thinking "4 more weeks and I'll start feeling better."

I went to my midwife appointment at 2:30 on July 14th. They checked my urine and said the magic words "you have protein in your urine." I dropped my jaw. They checked my blood pressure. 170/110...yikes! I started tearing up. I was so confused. They checked my weight. 147. I'd gained 6 pounds since my appt. 2 weeks ago. They set me up in an exam room and I bawled my eyes out for a minute while I waited for the midwife to come in. My first thought was to blame myself for doing something wrong. Did I overeat? Should I have tried to sleep the night before? Should I have exercised more? The midwife came in and calmed me down and said they wanted to monitor my protein levels in my urine for the next 24 hours to see if I was heading toward pre-eclamsia. (Looking back now, she probably should have been a little more proactive with my blood pressure being as high as it was). She asked me to head down the hall to the hospital to have my blood drawn and to get a big jug where I was supposed to catch all my urine for the next 24 hours (lovely...).

While I was sitting in the exam room, I started to feel a burning pain in the middle of my chest. I had thankfully been spared heartburn the whole pregnancy, but I figured it was starting up along with everything else that day. I looked at the midwife and told her that I had just started to feel heartburn and that it really hurt. She looked a little perplexed and said I could just take some Tums for that and that I should take the rest of the work day off and go home and rest. By the time I made it to the checkout area, I could hardly sit still in the chair. I begged that lady to find me some Tums before I left the office. She gave me 3 of them, and I prayed it would act quickly. I managed to hobble down to the hospital and get my blood drawn. I called Greg along the way and asked him to come pick me up because the heartburn hurt too much to drive home. The lady who drew my blood told me to go back to the doctor's office and tell them I was in a lot of pain and demand to get some help for it. I hobbled back to the doctor's office and saw the medical assistant who had taken my blood pressure coming up to the waiting room. She took one look at me and said "You don't look ok." I said "I'm not ok. This hurts so badly. I think I need to go to the hospital." She got a wheelchair and took me over to Triage.

They had me sign some papers for a minute and then took me in a room and hooked me up to the external fetal monitor and told me to lay on the exam table. Ha. By this point the pain was completely intolerable and I was having a hard time breathing, much less laying still. I glanced up at the screen often to check Emily's heartrate. Thankfully it was normal every time I looked. At least she was ok. This whole time I kept thinking I had heartburn and that I must be a weakling. I was also completely confused about why the nurses kept coming and going without communicating a plan for taking away the pain. It turned out this pain was not heartburn and was not going to go away unless Emily was born and they got a spinal going on me.

Greg first arrived at my doctor's office thinking I'd be waiting for him there. They told him I'd been taken to Triage in the hospital. He came in my room and I reached out for him. I am sure he was not at all prepared to see me flopping around on the table trying to get comfortable. We got our heads together and worked on the relaxation exercises that we'd practiced in the Bradley classes. The only position that gave me any relief was hands and knees, but that messed up the fetal monitor, so the nurses would come back in and make me lay down again.

They came in and drew my blood again. They ordered an ultrasound to check my gallbladder. They canceled the ultrasound right before it was going to start, because the blood results were back in. I had H.E.L.L.P. syndrome. This is a rare and potentially fatal form of pre-eclampsia. It combines many different rapidly forming problems, and the only cure is to deliver the baby and stabilize the mother. It stands for hemolysis, elevated liver enzymes, low platelet count. Basically it means that my iron levels plummeted, my liver grew enflamed and started shutting down, and my platelets plummeted (what allows blood to clot). It also made my blood pressure sky-rocket. The pain I was feeling in my chest was my liver.

The doctor came in and explained most of this to us (I at least comprehended "You are in bad shape and you need a c-section within the hour"). I was so thankful that the Lord gave me that particular doctor that day. She was very calm, caring, and simply seemed trustworthy. I had complete peace about the delivery that moment and trusted that Emily would be alright through it all. I probably was in shock at that point, but I know that as they wheeled me toward the OR, I had no doubts that this was what needed to happen.

The c-section went without a hitch. The spinal wasn't painful at all, and it brought immediate relief to my chest pain. I breathed my first deep breath and within a couple minutes Greg was by my side, holding my outstretched hand. We of course had no hospital bags packed, no video camera, etc. But Greg had his i-phone, and I remembered that our friends Summer and Isaiah had decided to photograph their daughter's c-section birth. I asked him if he could handle watching it and taking some pictures. He was awesome and did. So I have a picture of her coming out! I heard the doctor say "We've got a head" and before long I saw her tiny little body being carried over to the warmer. I kept saying "She's so small. She's so small" and crying both tears of joy and worry, hoping that she was going to be ok. I gave her a quick kiss and off she went and Greg, too. That was one of the hardest parts. I had so wanted that instant skin to skin, irreplaceable first few minutes. It would be at least another 20-30 minutes before I saw her again, maybe longer.

This is already super long...I will try to be shorter with the rest. Emily was absolutely perfect when she was born. She scored 9's on her Apgars and didn't have to go to the NICU for anything. I breathed a huge sigh of relief when they told me that. They said she weighed 5 lb 9 oz. That sounded so small, but I quickly recalled many friends who had babies that size and whose babies were now perfectly normal sized, healthy kiddos. Because of her blood type and mine, I was told she would probably be jaundiced and need to go under the lights for 24 hours. They checked her bilirubin levels and each time it came back borderline. We decided to go ahead and let her get treated for it so that we didn't have to come back to the hospital after I was discharged and have her do that. The nurses said she loved getting to be a wiggle worm under the lights. Now that I see how much she likes to kick and move, I bet she did have fun having the freedom to both move around swaddle-free and be warm under there.

I had to stay in the hospital for 5 days. My vision was blurry until a couple days after I got home. Even now it might not be back to 100%. My blood pressure continued to spike, so they put me on blood pressure medication. They said to expect my blood pressure to remain high for 6 weeks after delivery. (Usually with pre-eclampsia, your blood pressure will stabilize quickly after delivery. With hellp, it remains high for a longer time.) I was tanked up on loads of pain meds. Because of all the dizziness, blurred vision, and anti-seizure medicine, I didn't get out of bed for 56 hours. The nurse on duty at 56 hours was shocked that I hadn't stood up or walked yet, so she got her drill sargeant face on and got me to take a few steps. The goal was a shower. I blacked out before we could get to the shower and she helped me come out of it before walking back. But at least I'd gotten up. That was one of the hardest days. Thanks to her, though, I was out of the special care unit by the end of Saturday, able to stand up, and catheter free. She was tough, but I needed that.

How far we've come in 2 1/2 weeks:

Emily has regained her birth weight and more- she was born 5 lb 9oz, dropped to 5 lb, and is now 6 lb 1 oz. Way to go my little eater! We got the green light from the pediatrician this morning that we can now feed on demand when she wants to eat and not force her into a round-the-clock 2 hour feeding schedule. This means we can wait up to 4 hours at night and 3 hours during the day. Although so far today she's woken up and rooted at 2 hour intervals. ;-)

All of my vitals have returned to normal levels!!! Praise the Lord! My platelet counts had dropped all the way to 32,000. Your blood stops clotting at 30,000. Not good with a c-section. I got one platelet transfusion and the rest my body built back on its own. I'm now back at 145,000 which is within the normal range. I got a ton of bruising around my c-section incision from the platelet deficiency, but that is healing up pretty well. My liver enzymes finally as of Friday are basically back to normal. That took the longest to recover. My blood pressure was the biggest surprise. We were expecting it to take 6 weeks for that to stabilize. I was taking meds 3 times a day to keep me safe. That dropped to 2 times a day 3 days after I left the hospital. Then on Saturday they took me off the meds completely because my readings were coming back very low. Now my readings are coming back normal without any meds. All that's left for my recovery is for the c-section to continue to heal. I can live with that. :-)

In all of this, there were times where I did ask the Lord, "Why me?" I don't shy away from the fact that I questioned Him about this whole ordeal. That's where I was in all my hormone shifts and expectations. I've had to grieve the loss of a desire for a different birth experience. I've had to grieve losing that instant contact with my precious daughter. And I really did look death in the face and had to ask God, "Why'd you let me get so close to the edge at 27 years old and with a new baby? Didn't you know that would be too scary for us to handle? What does this mean for future children for us?" But as the days have gone by and Emily and I have bonded, I have healed, and the hormones have stabilized, I have been able to praise God for His incredible miracles every day through this. For His goodness toward us. For His tender Fatherly love for both me and Emily. I remember thinking in the hospital as I held Emily close, "God, I need you to hold me just like this more than ever." And He did. And He gave me Greg's strong, steady arms and tender love as well. He also gave us an incredible support system. My mom and sister got the call at 5:30 pm Houston time that we were having the c-section soon. They got on a plane 2 hours later (yes, in Houston rush hour traffic- lots of tears at the boarding gate and finding the right supervisor), and we saw them in the recovery room at 2:30 am (only 7 hours after she was born). Wow! They were AMAZING at caring for Emily, Greg, and me, and getting the house cleaned and ready for us (remember how we weren't planning to have a baby that day? :-) ) Our church small group was a huge help bringing us preemie diapers, newborn clothing (I'd thought we'd start out in 0-3 month clothes), and other helpful gifts. And now Greg's parents are here to help cook, clean, and love on Emily. All is well.

I leave you with Psalm 16:

Keep me safe, O God,
for in you I take refuge.

I said to the LORD, "You are my Lord;
apart from you I have no good thing."

As for the saints who are in the land,
they are the glorious ones in whom is all my delight.

The sorrows of those will increase
who run after other gods.
I will not pour out their libations of blood
or take up their names on my lips.

LORD, you have assigned me my portion and my cup;
you have made my lot secure.

The boundary lines have fallen for me in pleasant places;
surely I have a delightful inheritance.

I will praise the LORD, who counsels me;
even at night my heart instructs me.

I have set the LORD always before me.
Because he is at my right hand,
I will not be shaken.

Therefore my heart is glad and my tongue rejoices;
my body also will rest secure,

because you will not abandon me to the grave,
nor will you let your Holy One see decay.

You have made known to me the path of life;
you will fill me with joy in your presence,
with eternal pleasures at your right hand.