Parenting Book Poll

Alright readers (the handful of you who visit this blog) :-) -- I would love to hear what parenting books you have read and, for the moms with older kids than I, what has really worked great for your kids so far? What techniques do you use for handling tantrums and/or whining? What techniques do you use for discipline when they disobey? What was the overall parenting philosophy that made the most sense to you?

We are just entering the whining and testing limits stage. Definitely not too bad yet, though I know this sweet girl has it in her to give us a run for our money, as most toddlers do. She still responds well to limit setting and obeys almost every time. Our loose end has been oodles of whining, so that is what we are getting creative with right now. I think part of this stems from Emily still being a bit behind on communication and the fact that toddlers in general can get frustrated as they try to communicate. But I keep thinking that when she gets the pointing thing down, it will help considerably for her to tell me what she needs or wants. She's picked up the all done and more signs at mealtime a few times this past week, so it is all getting there!

I'll start with my review first: Greg and I are going through the book Love and Logic for Early Childhood with a couple of friends in the neighborhood. It has already given me some great ideas that at least are helping me be a better parent. The first is that I need to go hard of hearing when the whining begins. In other words, I need to detach myself from the frustration and escalation that "tuning in" to the whining can bring. This has helped tons!! Another tip has been to have a phrase that I repeat with empathy whenever I'm responding to her tantrums. I have picked the phrase "I know", and it is helping me to actually feel empathetic as I help her work through her frustration. When doling out consequences for disobedience, I have ended up saying "How sad..." before I explain the consequences and remove her from the situation. This wasn't my favorite phrase in the book, but it is rolling off my tongue, so I guess it is going to stick! We are not really to the stage where I can offer many choices to her yet, since language and pointing haven't come in much, but that is a huge thing with Love and Logic. Lots and lots of choices where kids learn to exert control (in areas where we are comfortable with them having control) leads to self-confident, independent thinkers. I totally agree with this! I am excited to do this more with her as she gets older. The more control I allow her to have in the small things, the more respectful she might be of the limits I set on the things that matter. The book emphasizes that the early years can be very fun and rewarding if you have an action plan in place for diffusing tantrums and building the child's confidence. The only thing I see missing in this book so far is a scriptural framework to pull from. It is not that the book is anti-scripture by an means, but it doesn't give me a way to weave God's truths into the childrearing experience. And that is extremely important to me! I think there are some other books out there that can speak to that overall goal and will hopefully fit together well with some of the practical suggestions from Love and Logic.

Ok- your turn! What should I read next and why?